Stress, a complex emotional phenomenon, arises when a person perceives their resources as insufficient to cope with the demands of a particular situation. It is often confused with anxiety, although these are distinct experiences that deserve their own analysis.

When we face a situation, we make a series of unconscious assessments:

1. Initial automatic evaluation: This evaluation arises quickly and automatically. For example, “I am the least competent person in English in this group. I will be judged and ridiculed.”
2. Primary evaluation of demands: Here, we evaluate the demands of the situation. For example, “These people do not speak my language, so I must communicate in English.”
3. Secondary evaluation of our resources: We assess the resources available to face the situation. For example, “I only have a B1 level in English.”

In response to these assessments, we activate different types of responses:

• Instrumental responses: These responses involve changes in behavior or the situation. For example, concentrating more or improving one’s accent.
• Palliative responses: These responses focus on regulating emotions. For example, practicing breathing techniques to reduce anxiety.

When we perceive that we cannot cope with the situation, intense anxiety responses may arise, accompanied by emotions such as sadness or anger.

How to effectively face stressful situations? Effective coping involves a combination of cognitive, behavioral, and physical efforts to cope with specific demands. To achieve this, we can divide what we can do in the short and long term:

In the Short term, we can use distraction and thought defusion techniques, as well as breathing and relaxation techniques, or mindfulness or grounding techniques. When we are at a high level of stress, it is almost impossible to reassess our thoughts, and this can even be counterproductive.

In the Long term, we can:

• Modify our thoughts: Reassess our beliefs about demands and resources. For example, recognizing that we cannot demand more from ourselves than what we currently know.
• Decrease demands: Reduce expectations of ourselves or communicate our limitations to others.
• Increase our resources: Develop new skills or seek additional support, such as English classes to improve our language skills.
• Acceptance and self-compassion: We cannot suddenly have a perfect accent, we can do it gradually, with long-term goals. If we can accept this and give ourselves some leeway, the stress will decrease.

In summary, understanding how we assess stressful situations and developing effective coping strategies can help us manage stress in a healthier and more productive way.

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